I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
