Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
