I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
