Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
