I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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