I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
