when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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