Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
