When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
