hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
