Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Who died my cat blue again?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
