Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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