I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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