Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
