i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
