a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
