A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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