I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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