Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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