We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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