Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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