i already hear my dad disowning me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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