You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
