i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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