So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
