Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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