As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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