shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
