I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just found puke in my bra..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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