Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
