I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
