She is in my trunk
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
