the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
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You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
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We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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