those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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