i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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