your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Soap is not a condiment
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
