id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
