Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
