went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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