I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
