bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
