Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
