dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
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Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
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I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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