And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
