dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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