i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
