I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She bit a glass in half.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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