its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
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I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
is it fun? or sober?
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