There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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