I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize