we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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