i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
