did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
