Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
