sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
