Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
