So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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