So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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