I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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