i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
