people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
