someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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