wrigley field is MILF paradise
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
im holly from the hills drunk
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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