Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
