I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
