I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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