im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
