uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Pants are for mortals
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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