haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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