there's paper in my vomit.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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